Excuse the craziness, but I've got news!
Today I went to a real pool. Yes, the kind that gets "built" instead of "inflated" The kind that I can fit my whole body in.
See, my hubs goes out all the time without me. He has friends. They go to bars, or pools, or wherever. They do carne asada. They drink. They don't invite me. It's been established that his friends don't feel comfortable having wives along. But tonight I got invited along. I think the reason was that Hernan has really been wanting Hanix to go in a pool, and this was the big chance. So we went.
Actually, I might not have been invited. When Hernan called this afternoon to tell me to have our baby ready, he never mentioned me being ready, too. Ready, though, I certainly was. The dudes showed up, and I had my bikini on and my towel in hand. If they wanted my baby they were gunna have to take me, too.
But this is only half the news.
The guys largely ignored me, but whatever. I was with my baby and we were in a pool. But then! One of the dudes left to go get more beer, and when he came back he had his wife and baby with him.
!!!!!
Do you all realize what this means?
You know all that talk I just did about parental bantering? Well, I cornered this woman and layed it on, and I even got invited to drop by her house sometime.
I'm doing a happy dance.
I'm officially friend-stalking this woman now.
I have told Hernan so many times that he needs to help me meet people. I told him that if his buddies all brought their wives and girlfriends we could hang out together and leave the men alone (since they want nothing to do with me). But he's unhelpful. He goes out every night and leaves me alone and won't invite me or give me phone numbers or anything.
So now I'm going to wait a few days, because that's what you do when you want the relationship to work out, right? Then I'm going to go drop by (because apparently no one uses phones down here.). Then she and I are going to become BFFs, and I'm going to go out all night and not call home and leave Hernan alone with the baby to worry what happened to me.
That's my news. I'll of course tell you how it all works out.
OH MY GAWWDDD what IS it with these MEN!?? Vadose I SWEAR that my gringa friend and I have the SAME problem here as you! BITCHES! Sorry, ok I know I need to be calm but we've been going through it lately too and I'm just happy to have someone to vent to. :D C. didn't have friends for a while and I was really happy now that he's made a couple but we seem to have run into this same problem! *sigh* he tried to get his new buddy to come over and bring his WIFE, but the wife refused to come because I'm white and she thought that I wouldn't want to talk to her and that I wouldn't be able to because I don't speak enough spanish. (bitchy much?) SOOOO he drinks with his friend and has man talk and I'm stuck inside alone with the baby because god forbid I walk outside and try and get in on the conversation - they get all silent and awkward. GRRRR!!
ReplyDeleteOk, ok, sorry, freaking out again. ANYWAYS, I'm HAPPY for you that you've got a lead on a friend! YAAYY for you and I hope it goes well! :)
Oh....I'm the other gringa friend who's having this same problemo......OMGoodness....what is it here? I cant for the life of me figure it all out! And you are one hell of a diva to put on a bikini...in front of men and be the only white girl....OMG...women dont wear bathing suits here...and you just put on a whole bikini...OMG! please dont tell me you wore shorts over your bottom half...me and my sister swear that these gals down here dont shave he bush...that's why they wear shorts.....Oh you are soooo damn rocking it for sure. See my husband used to take me places with him...and I would be the ONLY girl...and I asked these guyes that all came solo...hey...dudes...do yall not have wives or girl friends or what? For real I asked them all..in english and spanish of course...and they just looked and smiled at me. My husband gave me the dirtiest look...but sheeeesshhh....who do they think they are. And I cant wait to hear about your night out with out your hubs...man that would be just down right awesome! Only thing here...is Im a bit afraid to drive at night in Reynosa....drunk....bad bad things can happen around here! LOL
ReplyDeleteWow. Nice insight into what it would be like married to a Mexican man. I would not do well in your scenario!!!
ReplyDeleteYou need girlfriends to stay sane, keep doing what you're doing and you'll find some. Are you the ONLY gringa married to a Mexican man in SJ? I suspect the Mexican wives will avoid you like the plague after the bikini.
Good luck.
That's excellent news! Milk if for all it's worth. How about a liberal application of gin (and lime juice) to cement the friendship, i.e. mommy party? Does that fly with the ladies down there? I don't know how these things work in SJ. Also, how about throwing a party or a picinic or something like that and having the H-Bomb (I'm trying that out. Whaddaya think?) invite his friends AND their wives and children. Moms and kids would come to that kind of thing right? Again, liberal application of gin may help. Also you could have a net and trap them in it and refuse to let them go until they promise to be your friend. Just sayin'
ReplyDeleteWow, seems that I lucked out. My Mexican man works and then comes home, spends time with me and/or his family most evenings. Every once in a while (once a month or so) he has a buddy over or goes out to a soccer game or something. However, I do not have the luxury of any gringa (or otherwise English-speaking) friends...I am hoping someday I will encounter one here. You are all lucky in that regard!
ReplyDeleteOh, and go for it with the bikini. You already know that I can't because I will be inspected for "cellulitis". :-)
ReplyDeleteIt´s definitely a man´s world in Mexico.
ReplyDeleteGringa - I know! They get all silent and uncomfortable! It's so irritating. I know, I know, "cultural differences" and all, but it's so frustrating. Worst is my husband is bi-cultural, so he gets it, but he does nothing to help me figure out what to do about it.
ReplyDeleteSome of the guy are at least polite, but others won't even acknowledge I'm there unless my husband does first! It stinks.
Oh, and about the wife. That's pretty bitchy. Well, at least you got your crew up there.
Sunshine - ha! You didn't really ask them that?! Good for you. I've wanted to pose the same question before, but have held back.
It makes me wonder, though, how the other wives feel about it. Do they want to be invited along? Is it only us with our culture and without a community that have a problem here? I think not. Because my mother-in-law gives my husband major grief about abandoning me every night. I think she's tapping her own frustration. And, yes, I wore the bikini sans shorts. I'm pretty sure I'm scandalous. I certainly wouldn't have done that if Hernan hadn't been there. Yep: woman. white. wearing a bikini. pretty much eliminates ANY possibility of conversation! hahaha
Trailrunner - yes. I love my husband dearly. He's a wonderful man. But we have had some new struggles since moving to Mexico, ones that hadn't surfaced in the six years we lived in the states.
As for gringos - I don't see any others here in town. I guess I could climb the hill and lurk in the streets in the racquet club...
Punchy - I TRIED getting the party idea to go. Multiple times. Hernan reluctantly agrees and then always has a reason why it won't. So it's never happened. And since I can't call up the dudes myself (because they won't talk to me and also because I don't know their numbers) I need Hernan to go along with it. Maybe it's time I tried AGAIN though... Maybe if I buy a few bottles of tequila and have some meat heaps, they'll just show up. then I can say, "none for you until you bring along someone who will actually TALK to me." ... yeah. This plan is shaping up nicely. The gin is for me only, anyway. No one appreciates it as much as I do ("It's too strong" they say), so I don't share.
Leah - yeah, I have no gringa friends either. Oh well. Sounds like you have a nice situation where you're at. :)
Rita - I decided about a year ago that I'd rather be mexicano que mexicana. Most def.
Nah, don't go up to the RC. Even I don't and they're my age.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the girls at the coffee shop down by the lake? Besides they make great drinks, they are pretty bi-cultural. Nice ladies too.
Another thing, think about volunteering a little time somewhere. See Robin at the place across from the plaza. Maybe the orphanage up the hill a little. Ask Agustin who could use your help. You'll meet caring people, have fun, and get into the community that way - and you'll be known as 'buena gente'.
Suerte
I do see this a lot here and thankfully my husband turned it around shortly after I moved down here. He had been sin familia for 2 yrs before I moved down so it took him a bit to get it but I basically told him if he wanted me here he needed to be WITH ME. Also to be honest a few times of being out (by myself, just shopping or something stupid) and turning off my phone and being gone longer than expected freaked him the heck out and I explained that's how I felt every time he did it. For sure you need some time out and I hope this works for you. I have had such a hard time getting close to the girls here and even the one who considers herself my friend isn't as close as what Im use to.
ReplyDeleteamanda....you are so smart about turning the phone off and staying gone a little longer than normal. Good moves their!
ReplyDelete