I like me a good zombie movie. One thing I wonder about, which I wish a director would address, is where's all the zombie poo? You know, they're all over the place, chowing down on people. That's a lot of people. Why aren't the cities covered in zombie doody? I doubt zombies are toilet trained.
I don't suggest anyone make this a major part of any movie, but I think it's an important issue that needs to be addressed by the film industry.
I asked Hernan about this.
"What do you think the zombies do? Do you think they poop?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"So, do they use the toilets, or what?"
"No. But it doesn't matter?"
"Huh?"
"No. It's not like the zombies are trying to get laid. So it doesn't matter how they do it."
That's all.
I think your husband is right, and I guess if you REALLY think about it they must not even know that they're pooping because their sole interest is eating brains and all that so really they must just poo in their pants and keep going about their buisiness like nothing's happening. Yep, I'm pretty sure.
ReplyDeleteI asked my 5yo where do zombies poop and he said they dont poop. But then i pushed the question further and he said well if they do poop they would poop in the forest. I then asked him what the poo would look like and he preceded to show me on halo...because on halo they have zombies...and the zombie poo is greenish, flourecent in color. NICE!
ReplyDeleteWhat an absurd question! Of course Zombies poop. All of God's creatures poop. It's his law. It was actually on the third tablet of amendments and additions to The Commandments that were delivered to Mosses’ son, Shmoses, after God found them under a stack of magazines on His coffee table. It simply read "18. Poop." Just because a creature has died, and in dying acquired the unholy craving for the brains of the living, does not mean that the are free of God's law.
ReplyDeleteIf you must deal with zombie poop, here are the church sanctioned instructions for the handling of unholy feces:
1.) Sprinkle liberally with Holy Water.
2.) Combine 2 cups of castor sugar with 1 1/2 sticks of warm butter and mix until properly creamed, all the while basking in the Majesty and Grace of the Holy Spirit.
3.) Sift in 3 cups of flour, 2tsp of baking powder and 1tsp and stir until properly incorporated
4.) Add 2 cups of walnuts (or almonds), a cup of raisins soaked in bourbon over night, 1tsp of vanilla extract and lemon zest (optional.) Stir until completely incorporated.
5.) Say five Hail Marys and perform one act of contrition.
6.) Mix in sanctified zombie poop, and kneed on floured surface until dough becomes only slightly sticky to the touch, all the while saying the Our Father, loudly and proudly.
8.) Sprinkle inside the oven with Holy Water and preheat to 375.
7.) Split into 3 loaves and lay them side by side the length of a cookie sheet, leaving sufficient room between each.
8.) Place on center rack of oven to bake for 30 minutes.
9.) Go to church.
10.) Remove the loaves from the oven and slice into 1 inch thick slices. Have your local Priest or Bishop perform the Rite of Consecration and read the accounting of Jesus being placed in the Tomb (Luke 23:50-54) over the loaves as you slice. If he can help slice, all the better.
11.) Bake slices on one side at 375 for 7 minutes.
12.) Flip slices over and bake again at 375 for 5 minutes.
13.) Remove from oven and let cool. Pray for your sins.
14.) Enjoy your hard work! You've made delicious sanctified zombie poop biscotti. Brew yourself a cup of coffee and relax with your new cookies.
I hope this helps you in your time of need my child.
Abp. C.P. Pinchbottom
Ummm, so, I was thinking maybe zombies lack the intestinal flora required to convert the material they ingest into feces? Cause just cause the zombie gets raised from the dead doesn't mean all his attendant and microbes and stuff do too. So I think that speaks for zombies either a) converting 100% of their ingested mass into nutrients via some supernatural means, therefore not crapping at all or b) excreting material that is more-or-less indistinguishable from what they ingested in the first place.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't Zombies be like Vampires? Ingesting, but not digesting, per-se?
ReplyDeleteOooh, Jenny Jo, good point! I'm partial to the explanation you present in (a). I mean, they've risen from the dead, surely they get some kind of supernatural power. Vampires have supernatural powers (e.g. flying), as do mummies (what is it mummies can do, again? Shoot blue lasers from their eyes? I think I remember that from an episode of Duck Tales). So I fully believe that one is granted some manner of supernatural ability when one goes from living to living dead. For zombies it must be converting humans into energy. That must be why they're such an energetic bunch!
ReplyDeleteAmber - possible. Though it wouldn't surprise me to discover that vampires do make trips to the loo. They seem like a more capable bunch than zombies.